OK. So more on the ways I am trying to move into a better ELIZA. My mom and I have been trying (like the rest of humanity) to lose some weight. I have not had a "real" job and so I have some time on my hands. We went to talk to our doctor and he put us on a drug called phentermine. We went on it right before Halloween. The loss has been small in number but big in success. I can say with pride that I have lost 30 lbs. I have been able to through away so many clothes because they just don't fit anymore. It has been amazing. I hope it continues. It doesn't seem like much when you do the math but if it means that I can seem normal, happy, and not look like a deflated old balloon when I'm done then I am all for it.
She had failed. There was no other way to say it. Despite all of her accomplishments, all of the honours that people attributed to her, she had failed at the things that mattered most, and no amount of humour, self-deprecating or not, could change that fact. For years she'd hid behind her staged smile and her enticing humour. She had worked hard at the tasks that had clear beginnings and endings and could be accomplished by mortals. She dreamed of being more, of doing more, of meaning more. Yet, when opportunities presented themselves, she failed to live up to the possibilities. People. That was the part of life that she had failed. She had failed to truly care about or for people. Caring led to pain. Caring meant investing in another person, only to have that person reject all that had been invested into them. It was easier not to care, to create a safe distance so as not to get hurt. It was easy for Her to do. Like a switch that she could flick on and off, she could care or n...
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