I am sitting at my desk. I am typing on my vintage Mac. I am sitting in my office full of pictures and stuff. I am looking out onto beautiful University of Alberta campus and downtown. I am listening to wonderful music on my iPod. I am realizing how lucky I am to be here doing what I am doing but there is something that is pulling at me from the shadows. It is slippery and elusive like the Loch Ness Monster. It teases me with its presence and non-presence. I can't catch it but I know that it is there. I am trying to fight it off but I know that at some point it will spring from the shadows and envelop me. The comfort that I have is to live in a fantasy world. Not one where I can fly and do what ever I want (not that that sounds bad). In my fantasy world I am everyone I want to be, powerful, purposeful, self-assured, confidant, productive, brilliant, fully loved, beautiful, and meaningful. I may be all of these things in small portion but in my fantasy world I am all of thes