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For Stephanie: Transcendence

She would often yell into the universe as a young girl questions that she knew had no answer. People always tried to give her answers, and they often sounded right, but she knew in truth that there were no answers to her questions. There was no solution to the puzzle, no fix for the broken, and no answers for the questions. She had found a strange comfort in this realization. If there were no answers then she could never be wrong. She could never fail to get it right. She could continue to go through life admiring the amazing ways in which the universe could destroy every beautiful thing just to build it back up and destroy it again. Her life had been like one big experiment by an evil ten year old mad scientist. That was how she liked it.

When she got older she started to wish that there could be just one answer. She didn't care what question it answered as long as there was an answer. She started going out into the world to look for answers. It was rare when she would find one, but when she did she would embrace it and explore it and memorize it so that she could one day use it to answer a question she never knew she had.

On this day, she had not been asking a question or trying to solve a puzzle. On this day she was just walking hoping that the magical universe where answers come from would descend upon her and take her where things have meaning. She didn't think that it would happen, but she hoped.

She had driven out of the city, out from the towns and noise and invisible foam that always seemed to explode out like a fire extinguisher handled by a seven year old to coat every person, place, and thing. Most signs of modern man were left behind, when the smooth pavement was the only sign of the century of which she lived, she left her car and continued on Mother Nature's pavement. She knew that no one should ever hike alone, especially somewhere they didn't know, but she had survived enough girls camp expeditions to know how to get lost and found all before dinner time. The ground was not as uneven as she had expected, which allowed for the roots of the trees to spread and cross like the fingers of two young lovers who are being watched by parents to much to do anything but hold hands. As she walked she could almost feel the trees smile at her and invite her to come farther in. Every tree was like an elder telling her their stories of their life in that place. The old skin of their bark reminded her that beauty was only a word invented by those who wanted to separate what was ugly. This place was not beautiful, it was not ugly, it simply existed and preserved the history of the world.

The wind was not strong but danced playfully around her, mixing her smell with theirs. She took great lungfuls of air into her, and with each one it connected her to them. Each breath transformed her into part of this place. She almost stopped to check her hair for budding leaves. The wind brought with it bits of all the trees, the animals, the moss, the dirt, and all those who had been there before her. It was cool and warm in that magical way when the world can't decide if it wants to be summer or fall and so decides to be both. Now and then, when she would not breath but smell the air, it would carry to her reminders of other magical places she had been. It reminded her that all of those places were connected through the wind that would carry a bit of each of the places to the others and keep them as one. She would stop and exist in more than one place at that time.

She wished that there was some way for her to take the magic from this time and place and take it with her like an iPod that could be called upon to make her day better and be returned to this place to be recharged for another tour of service. She wished that there would be someone who could remind her of this moment when life yielded no answers, who could fight through those moments of darkness and remind her that there was still magic in the world. She found a knot of intertwined roots that allowed her to lie in them and become part of the network of trees that now felt like loving grandparents. She soaked in her time here and everything this place had brought to her.

She savored each step, smell, sound, touch as she made her way back to her world of no answers or solutions. Just as she could start to make out her transport away from this world she could feel the wind and the trees begging her to stop, for her to take something from them to act as a channel between her and this world. She was part of them now just as they were part of her. She bent down and plucked a small stone from the floor that had guided her feet. A portion of bark extended from a tree as a gift that she warmly accepted. With her two reminders of her time spent here, she drove her now alien car back to her world. With her answers in her pocket she smiled. She would come back again.

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