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A Compassionate Start

Every week I sit in church and think about my life. I think about what I want to do differently. How I have fallen short. Those who might help me be better. Those who I could help be better. And the ways that I can see more wonder in the world around me. Every week I make these lists in an attempt to focus me and remind me of things that I have forgotten when life has gotten jammed with other things that are less important.

I have spent the last two weeks practically alone, however. I have not "gone" to church as it was General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, which I watched in my home wearing my PJ's. I have not made my usual lists of goals and improvements. Today I decided to do something that I have not done in a very long time. Instead of making lots of lists of things to do I choose one thing. Today I was not going to watch TV and see where my day took me. Instead of getting lost in some show I

  • Cleaned my kitchen
  • Tided up my bathroom
  • Looked over my presentation that I am giving tomorrow
  • Ate food
  • and Listened to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical soundtrack
The day is young and I am sure that I will find more things to fill my time with. I decided to do one more thing that I have not done for a while, read a book for fun. I walked into my room and looked at my shelves of books. Did I want to read something I have read before? Did I want something deep and engaging? Did I want something light? Did I want to read fantasy, history, mythology, reality? Finally I saw on one of the lower shelves a book that was given to me. I had intended to read it eventually but never got around to it because I ... I don't know why but I never did. Now seemed the time and now I know why. I have only read the first chapter but it has seemed to answer some of my questions that I did not know I had.

Field Notes on the Compassionate Life: A search for the soul of kindness talks about what it means to be truly compassionate. It is written by a man who has taken a vow to be compassionate and help ALL people. Before you start to think, like I did, that this is one of those freaks that seem to be happy all the time and I am sure has some kind of mental defect, he honestly talks about how he has hard times, he is petty, judgemental, and has many other faults. But, he tries. He continues to find ways to be better, think better, live better, and help others be the "better" they want to be.

This has very little point. I will not end with a revelation or a goal that I declare to the cyber world in an attempt to simulate some kind of accountability for myself. I simply wanted to share that I, like many, want to try. I don't just want to talk about being compassionate to my fellow man but I want to begin to live it more mindfully and be aware of the compassion shown to me.

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