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Who Are We When We Grow Up?

Yesterday I watched two little girls play. They were going on a plane, vacationing, to the Miss Universe Planet. They packed what they needed and another two kids were the flight crew and pilot. They were not playing together but their games happened to connect. I began to wonder, why are they playing this game? Is it that this is what they view adult life to be? Is this what their parents talk about?

I wondered about my own playing and so I called my mom.
"What games did I play?"
"What do you mean? We were never a big game family."
I tell her about the children I watched and my wonders about my own life.
"When you were that age we lived by the Koreans. You would play guns with them. I remember one day you came running in yelling that the boys were chasing you with guns. I came out; I thought they were going to hit you. You looked at me and said "They have guns! Isn't that great?!" You loved their little AK-47s".

My mom tells me about my friends and how I never cared to play with balls. I didn't like "games" but I was always playing. I had lots, LOTS, of dress ups and would play scenes from my favourite movies. I would make things into cars and boats and my friends and I would go to the store or to exotic places. We turned my loft bed into a castle or a mountain. We would have tea parties and special occasions but, I never played MOM. I never said "Now I am the mom and you are the baby".

My friend Emily and I would dress up, often in our witch costumes, and sit in a corner and read to each other. We would run wild and that running and yelling would be our play. No rules and little concern for our own mortality gave fuel for our ever expanding imaginations.

In lots of ways I am the same. I love playing dress up. I have lots of jewellery. I may or may not be buying a feather boa for myself. I often wish that I could sing with abandon, at the top of my lungs without worry of decorum or image (It is why I love the long car rides home by myself. I can sing what I want when I want and preform car dancing.). I still don't like games very often. When people get together to play card games or board games I begin to wish I were ill to get out of it. But, I still love talking and imagining as if my imagining it will make it reality, even for just the moments that I am imaging it. I still ask myself, who am I now that I am grown up? I am not sure but perhaps I will find out if I do a little more playing, and singing, and dressing up.

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