Some days are harder than others. She knew this just as everyone who breaths air knows it. It had been a hard day for her. In truth it had been a hard week, month, even year. She was able to innumerate all of the ways that it had been hard, the deaths of loved ones, the miles of separation from those who sustained her, the long hours of solitude, and the constant realization that nothing can really be checked off the "To Do" list. She honestly tried not to think about these and all the other reasons things had been hard but with the blinding sun, coming earlier and earlier and staying later into the night, came the mocking tones and the pinching reminders.
There were many good things too She knew. She listed these every night and most mornings. She reminded herself that there was good all around her. She wanted to enjoy the beauty, the fun, the gloriousness that was constantly around her. She felt most at peace in the grey translucent light that others called darkness. It was here that possibilities were endless, not light, not dark, but both. She could feel her heart crying out for that transcendent solace. She tried to work, to do the things that she loved, and yet she couldn't. Something was missing.
She listened to the music that filled her home. Closed her eyes and saw the music dance. It formed into those she had loved, her grandfathers (both moved on to other realms), the notes became the laughing voices of children she loved telling her not so funny jokes, the variations were cherished moments made into movement. Closing her eyes, sitting in the waining light, She could become something different, something more. She could find that peace that had been eluding her. She knew that in the morning the sun would come and bring with it those mocking tones and pinching reminders, but here, in this moment, she could be at peace. Her work might still not get done but it would be as a balm to her soul.
The sounds of thousands of rhythms played by delicate fingers filled her tiny unlit apartment and brought a soothing salve that mended the infinitesimal breaks in her heart, and she began to fill joy once more.
There were many good things too She knew. She listed these every night and most mornings. She reminded herself that there was good all around her. She wanted to enjoy the beauty, the fun, the gloriousness that was constantly around her. She felt most at peace in the grey translucent light that others called darkness. It was here that possibilities were endless, not light, not dark, but both. She could feel her heart crying out for that transcendent solace. She tried to work, to do the things that she loved, and yet she couldn't. Something was missing.
She listened to the music that filled her home. Closed her eyes and saw the music dance. It formed into those she had loved, her grandfathers (both moved on to other realms), the notes became the laughing voices of children she loved telling her not so funny jokes, the variations were cherished moments made into movement. Closing her eyes, sitting in the waining light, She could become something different, something more. She could find that peace that had been eluding her. She knew that in the morning the sun would come and bring with it those mocking tones and pinching reminders, but here, in this moment, she could be at peace. Her work might still not get done but it would be as a balm to her soul.
The sounds of thousands of rhythms played by delicate fingers filled her tiny unlit apartment and brought a soothing salve that mended the infinitesimal breaks in her heart, and she began to fill joy once more.
Comments