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Showing posts from September, 2015

Hero Stories

I sit at my desk, in my dark office, surrounded by faces of family members and loved ones. Pictures, tokens, and anything that reminds me of those who are not with me engulf my space. I truthfully don't know if this makes being in my office easier or harder. Certainly, I love thinking about games, laughter, and stories from other places but I also need to be awake to the emerging stories that are happening here which doesn't happen when you are living in the past.  I don't know why I am also being resistant to some of the work I need to do. I enjoy my research, I tell myself often. I like my participants and thinking about their lives. I like writing and finding beautiful words to describe the indescribable. And yet, I am unable to, in that moment, do the work that I love. Somehow it does emerge and words and pages are formed but I do not yet know how it happens when I so clearly refuse to work.  Despite this feeling, I show up at my office everyday. I sit at my desk...

IDK?

Truth be told, I’m not sure why I am writing this morning. Perhaps it is because I feel like I should be writing more often. I don’t know. As I write it seems that my fingers are no longer used to typing out words. Nearly every other word, it seems, needs to be back traces or re-written. It seems that my thoughts no longer know the path from the brain to the fingers the way that they once did. I wrote such wonderful things. Such amazing, beautiful, magnificent things. But now it seems that I can only write about how I no longer write. I keep looking online for things to improve my life. I watch shows and wish I were the people who did amazing things. I am looking and looking but not finding. What is it about me that cannot be the person I see when I close my eyes? Why can I not WRITE !!?? I think for the next little while I will make a promise to myself. Every morning, before I start work, I will write something. It will not be elegant or eloquent. It may ...