Skip to main content

Hero Stories

I sit at my desk, in my dark office, surrounded by faces of family members and loved ones. Pictures, tokens, and anything that reminds me of those who are not with me engulf my space. I truthfully don't know if this makes being in my office easier or harder. Certainly, I love thinking about games, laughter, and stories from other places but I also need to be awake to the emerging stories that are happening here which doesn't happen when you are living in the past. 

I don't know why I am also being resistant to some of the work I need to do. I enjoy my research, I tell myself often. I like my participants and thinking about their lives. I like writing and finding beautiful words to describe the indescribable. And yet, I am unable to, in that moment, do the work that I love. Somehow it does emerge and words and pages are formed but I do not yet know how it happens when I so clearly refuse to work. 

Despite this feeling, I show up at my office everyday. I sit at my desk, as I do now. I write words no matter what they are about, as I do now. And I try to make a plan for what will come next. What is the next thing I want to cross off my list? What will make me proud, happy, productive? All of these questions seem to be linked, in part, to a larger question. What is it that I want? In this moment? In ten years? When I must look back on this day, as we all must do at some point before our lives end, what will I want to see? And what will I see? 

I have said so many times in my life, "What is the story you want told of you? What is the story you want to tell?" Like all good stories, there will be the ups and the downs. There will be the moments when the reader cannot believe what the protagonist is doing. But, there is always that moment, when things are at their worst, when the story can plunge deeper into darkness or rise from the ashes to greater heights, when the hero of the story realizes who they really are and rises up to meet the challenge. I am not yet there but when the time comes, I hope that I will be that hero for my own story.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Insanity

So this was a big week. For the first time in a long time I have felt the overwhelming need to cry. As always I am unaware of the way that people can see what is going on with me even when I think that I doing a good job of hiding it from everyone. I am an RA (Resident Advisor) at Dixie. This week I was given the task to work with another RA to make flyer's for a sports activity that was coming up. Usually I am the one who makes sure that everything that needs to go on the fl yer is on and is correct. The other RA usually does all the "Flash". Well this week I had over 28 hours of work to do. Because of all of the homework that I had to do I did not check the fl yer that had been done and let the other RA do what ever he wanted and trusted that the information would be correct. A few days later it was the day before all of my assignments were due and I was freaking out. I also had to go to my RA meeting. At these meeting my RM (Resident Manager) has personal meetings with...
5 comments
Read more

A Text

Ok so I have to say that nothing happened and I only put this up because it was just such an interesting conversation to have so laugh. whats up? When are we going to make out? 10:59 pm elaisa are you there? 11:31 pm driving to where? 1:19 am so where are you now? 1:24 am doing what? 1:26 am but what are you doing in idaho? 1:28 am when are you coming back? 1:30 am are you going to stgeorge or orem? 1:33 am when are you coming for break? 1:35am so youre not coming back until december? 1:39 am so when are we going to make out? 1:41 am ok called me saturday when you get here so we can make out while watching a scary movie in my room just like we did at the cayonlands! (we never made out) 1:47 am Are we satching a movie tomorrow and make out? 11:08 pm yea lets watch a movie! i know we never made out, but lets make out this time! We almost did it at the cayonlands, so lets just do it this time! 6:52 am everybody makes out even hard core mormons. Plus its cold so we need to cuddle and watc...
7 comments
Read more

INDIA

Ok so I know I have been neglectful . Things have gotten better for me since I made some decisions about what I was going to do with my life. I will get into those later because my life is so different then it was just two months ago. Just so no one will call me hyperventilating, NO i'm not engaged, NO I did not get a teaching job, and NO I did not decide to become part of the Radha Krishna religion! One of my friends came up and we went to this Inda Fest which was so much fun! The temple that it was at was so beautiful I didn't know anything like that was in the whole of Utah . While we were there we bouhgt the traditional outfit. (I will not try to spell it because it sounds like sorry ) Part of the experiance was the food which was a Delicious hot multi- course meals of Indian curry with home made cheese ( paneer ), blueberry hallava, spicy Bengali rice, and giant lentil chips ( papadams ) and there were Indian drinks such as Peach lassi, and Nimbu pani, as well a...
3 comments
Read more