To Who I Am Becoming...

The mythical ethos of Santa Claus is an important part of the Dutch Christmas, transported to the New World in the 18th century by Dutch immigrants to the New York area and popularized by 19th century writers and poets in New York. For example, the familiar “Night Before Christmas” poem (written by C.C. Moore, a professor of Biblical Literature, in New York in 1823) scripts the main features of the holiday by describing the visual appearance, actions, and character of Santa Claus, as well as the appropriate reaction to him. I like Santa Claus. He is an important part of the celebration of Christmas in my family tradition (English, Swedish, Scots), and I won’t allow him to be denigrated in our house. Perhaps you like to do things differently in your home. There is no one, right way to celebrate Christmas, and we can waste a lot of spiritual and emotional energy worrying about how others keep or don’t keep it. If we wanted to be exacting and snobbish, we LDS wouldn’t do anything at all a...

As I sat alone and oh so cold. I saw a boy who told Of a wish he held to him so dear He hoped that Santa someday would hear. His dearest dream was to meet the Queen And ask one question true. He had searched far and wide but had not seen The man that always flue. Now why this matters I know not, To search for someone whose never been caught, To long to see a dream, I asked him "What could this mean"? Then he said something I'll never forget. He looked at me with such deep serene. He asked me if I ever regret Losing faith in the one known as The King? I stood their and stared, Then suddenly got scared, He looked so sad and displeased Then asked if I had ever believed? I squeaked out a yes and did my best To secure his faith their in, But since that day when he went away I see it was me he saved that day. By the kids at Kinderland

Beep. Beep. Beep. Ugh. This is always the hardest part of my day. I twist my body so that I can hit the snooze button on my alarm. I expect my hair to be in my face but instead I have arranged the semi-curly red mass into some kind of ponytail on top of my head sometime in the night. I wish I could just lie in my bed and not face the emptiness that my life has become. “NO” I say almost in anger. My life is not empty. It’s very full with responsibility, work, and what ever the entertainment industry can cook up for me to be interested in. I take a minuet to look at my surroundings before my alarm clock rouses me again. Everything is so dark. It’s only six in the morning and I am glad that the sun hasn’t come up yet. With the sun always comes the day to day things that you must do like trash, dishes, and people. Not like the few minuets before the sun when things still seem possible and the world seems magical. I can feel my room with all of its clutter resembling a real life as I stay i...

Preface All my life I have been one of those people obsessed with order. Even when life doesn’t have any order I must find the pattern in it. This has never been truer in my life then in two areas: food and relationships. In the food area I am not that unique from other people. Each culinary celebration must go in the order that they were intended. First there is breakfast. This has always been a hard area for me as I have never been big on breakfast foods. I don’t like eggs or bacon or even pop tarts. They have just never been things that I want to start out my day eating. When I do find something that I want to eat that is a breakfast food I get overjoyed for it is rare. Next is lunch. This above every other eating occasion is my favorite because it has the least restrictions. It seems the world is open to me. Not just the world of food but every part of life seems accessible at lunch. Obligation. That is ...

I walk to my car. “Where are you going this weekend?” says someone I can’t remember who they are. With a tone of indifference I say “Home”. She turns and walks away. I have four hours in the car to think of what I will do. “Pointless” I say to myself the whole way. Nothing can be planed. I carry my bag into my room without seeing a sole. I walk around remembering what each room means and what has happened in them. Finally I go to the family computer down stairs where I know she will be. “Hi mom.” Silence. “Hey mom. What’s going on?” Nothing. I look at the computer. She is playing some game. “Well, good to talk to you.” I start walking up my stairs that seem like Mt. Everest now. “Hey” chirps a happy voice. “Come say Hi to me”. She must have finished the game. I stand on the stair. I look at my car that I have finally left. I see a stack of books by the front door with a list of activities on top that I didn’t see at first. I take a deep breath and turn around. “How was your t...

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10 years ago: I was 12. Nothing happened to me during this time. I was going to Orem Junior High and loved every minuet of it. 5 things on my to do list: Homework, go on a date, save one child, become a therapist, find and experience an epic love. 5 snacks I enjoy: Chocolate, popcorn shrimp, veggies, chips & salsa, and Dried mango 5 places I've lived: Michigan, St. George, Orem, Phoenix, Provo What would I do if I became a billionaire: I would learn all that I could and start a foundation. 5 jobs I've had: I have only had three jobs. A candy supply person, Day-care teacher, and a mentor to someone with disabilities. 5 things you don't know about me: I used to be obsessed with Dark Angel, I used to do advanced ballet and Jazz, I only started reading I now tag: Brooke

Lots of times I will complain that I don't do anything interesting (unless its going to Alaska or having weird conversations on text with people) but now I know what happens when I am let loose on the world. Tonight I got a call from my friend Katie. She wanted to go to a movie and we decided to go see WALL*E so we picked up her sister Kacey and went to the movie. It was a good enough movie but truthfully I was so tired that I could not stand to be awake much longer. When we left the Flood St. Theater my truck and another car were the only ones left in the parking lot. The other car had its lights on and I was worried that it belonged to someone still working who didn't realize. I looked into the car and saw a body slumped below the steering wheel. I thought he was looking for keys or something until I looked again and saw that he was not moving. I told the others to look at him and asked if they thought he was dead (I was hopping it was a joke). Kacey went to the window and ...

Some days I wake up and realize that I am actually 78. Several things tip me off. I groan when I have to get up because I am too stiff. I don't like change. When things don't go my way and I have to change from my original plan then I get upset. I have a set routine and I do not deviate. Well despite my well cemented routine on Saturdays it has all been destroyed. This was my schedule Wake up any time before 9:30am Get my friend and go to the farmers market Say hi to all of my friends there Next go to 25Th Main and get one pannini, cupcake, and soda and split it with my friend Finally come home and take a nap The farmers market is no more. Last Saturday was the last one until May. I was so sad to find this out I almost cried to my Jelly Lady. What will I do now on Saturdays? If you have any suggestions let me know. Not Homework!!!

Ok so I have to say that nothing happened and I only put this up because it was just such an interesting conversation to have so laugh. whats up? When are we going to make out? 10:59 pm elaisa are you there? 11:31 pm driving to where? 1:19 am so where are you now? 1:24 am doing what? 1:26 am but what are you doing in idaho? 1:28 am when are you coming back? 1:30 am are you going to stgeorge or orem? 1:33 am when are you coming for break? 1:35am so youre not coming back until december? 1:39 am so when are we going to make out? 1:41 am ok called me saturday when you get here so we can make out while watching a scary movie in my room just like we did at the cayonlands! (we never made out) 1:47 am Are we satching a movie tomorrow and make out? 11:08 pm yea lets watch a movie! i know we never made out, but lets make out this time! We almost did it at the cayonlands, so lets just do it this time! 6:52 am everybody makes out even hard core mormons. Plus its cold so we need to cuddle and watc...

I thought this weekend was going to be like any that i have spent at home. Well sadly it was. On Tuesday I found out that my dad went to the hospital for having kidney stones. The fact that my dad actually said that he was sick at all made me go into a panic because he never does that. Because of this I arranged to leave from work early on Wednesday. On my way down the hill the truck that was in front of me decided to stop suddenly. I had the choice to ram him with my car or try to get out of the way. Well I evidently decided to go the wrong way because I slammed into the side of this huge rock truck that could have eaten my car with me in it. The amazing thing about this was that even with the damage to my passenger door and my back end both my door and trunk both still open. The other thing that was amazing was that no one got a ticket. Well I still went home for the weekend. I went home and slept until 1:30 the next afternoon. When I woke up my mom called me and said that my brothe...

Life in the fast lane. That's how many of us live. We are so busy that we don't take the time to reflect on the good things we have. Sure life is tough but there is a lot to be thankful for. Remember those things. Reflect on those things. Here are a few to get you started. A beautiful song A comfortable chair A cool breeze A drink of cool water A full moon A gentle rain A glass of cold milk A good book to read A good coat A good husband A good pillow A good wife A scenic drive Air conditioning Banana splits Beaches in the morning Beautiful women Birds singing Blue jeans Brothers Butterflies Butterfly kisses Ceiling fans Children laughing Christmas morning Clothes that fit well Comfortable shoes Compliments Computers that work Cooing Babies Cream Brule Dark Chocolate Dishwashers Diversity Dried pineapple slices Fairness Crackling fire in a fireplace Flowers Freedom of religion Freedom of speech Fresh ideas Friendly dogs Good conversation Good eyesight Good friends Good health Go...

OK so my dad looks like one of those guys that would be mean, stern, and have no sense of hummer. This would be completely incorrect however because he is one of the funniest guys that I have ever known. No one has ever made me laugh so hard as him especially when he tries to talk like the young hip kids that are in his classes. He sends me e-mails periodically and lots of times they are short and just silly but sometimes he sends me one that not only makes me laugh but also makes me feel like everything is going to alright. I got just that kind of message from him the other day and just had to share it. It may only be funny to me but look at the underlining message and maybe it will make you remember why you are doing the things you are doing. Dear Students: You would probably be surprised to know how many of your BYU professors know who you are and who make your academic welfare and progress the subject of their daily meditations and prayers . You might also consider why God, in His ...

OK so this week I had a breakthrough. It was so big I almost feel off of my chair when I got it. No Joke!! For a very long time I have harbored bad feelings about a professor that I have had to have for every semester of my program.This has stoped me from learning in many ways. Well this week as I was sitting in her class I was barley listening to her talk about why she decided to go this way with her life. I suddenly realized that I could do work for her because she did care. This may not be big for anyone else but I think that for me it may be the biggest thing to happen to me this semester.

So I was going to write about my work load, or my room, or my inability to get any sleep but all of that went out the window when my brother called. I have not seen my brother since August and I never thought that I would ever miss him this much. I was so excited to see him but I thought that he would just drive up in his truck and say hi to me from his seat and then drive a way but thankfully that was not the case. When he drove in he immediately parked and jumped out of the cab and gave me the biggest hug that I have ever had in probably my whole life. I had not realized how much I have missed having my little brother around me until I had him right in front of me. We talked for only a few minuets and when he left we had another long hug. I was glad to see him because I knew that he was happier then he has been for a long time and that made me happy. He is gone now but just knowing that he is doing well and that he hasn't forgotten me has allowed me to do my work this week with a...

OK so I know it's been a long time since I have done this but I have never been so busy in my whole life. I am the president of my club DESA (Dixie Education Student Association), I'm an Resident Advisor again, I am in my last year of the Elementary Education Program, I am doing an internship at Diamond Valley Elementary School, I am writing a paper for a conference, studding for the Praxis, and I am preparing to apply to grad school. I must be insane.  I am extremely grateful for a few things that I just have to tell about right now. The first is my grandma who is always there for me and reminds me that I am doing things that are good. The next is my good friend Danielle who also helps me remember what is good about life. To these people I am truly grateful.  P.S. Next time I will write something better I promise. 

OK so Monday was so much fun. My friends Kate and Brian went to London with me and we had a good time. First we went to see the Churchill Museum and Cabinet War Rooms. This was completely by accident. We had been walking along to go see Westminster and saw this along the way. It was amazing to be in the actual place that so much world history took place. We next had lunch on Trafalgar Square. This was fun to see all of the different kinds of people that are gathered in one place. Last we went to St Margaret's Church. It wasn't as good as Westminster Abbey but it was free and that is all that mattered. It was a good day. On Tuesday I did my presentation. It was incredible. At first I felt as though I should not be their because I was not a top researcher but then my mom and Shaun asked me to end the session and lead the discussion. Now I have worked with difficult kids and up to 90 school kids and I can tell you that a room full of teachers are just as bad as all thoughts classe...

Today I went to Hever Castle (as shown above). The gatehouse, walls and moat were built in 1270. At the end of the 15Th century the castle was bought by the father of Anne Boleyn, later to marry King Henry V111, and a Tudor interior was added. This increased the living area and greatly improved comfort. Over the next four centuries the castle was occupied but started to decay. In 1903 it was bought and restored by W W Astor, reputed to be the richest man in America. He added a mock Tudor village behind the castle to accommodate visitors and created a large ornamental lake surrounded by beautiful gardens. To see this place and hear about the people who have lived in it always makes me think that there is no difference between live then and life now. Yesterday my group and I went to the Canterbury Cathedral (middle), the White Cliffs of Dover (left), and saw (just in passing) Dover Castle (right). My group and I spent so much time in Canterbury that by the time that we go to Dover we wer...

My trip has started!!! My mom and our friends stayed in the temple housing the first night. It was fun but the best part was talking to all of the temple workers before my session. They were so friendly. That night we ate at a place called The Peacock. It was wonderful. At the start of our trip we had a miracle happen, my mother left her purse in the taxi and did not realize it until the taxi had driven all the way back. For most people this would mean that the purse was lost but not for my mom. She was able to call back to the car and the man found her purse and brought it back to us. I one more example how God loves my mother. Today we all spent the day at Brighton. We went to the Brighton Pier and the Brighton Royal Pavilion. (Pictures of these two places are under my pictures.) Even though I am tired and can barely stand this has been so much fun because I have been with good people and good friends. Tomorrow we start a new adventure and I will tell you all about it.

OK so I have not had a lot of time to go out and see movies but I went to this movie with some friends at work. If you have not seen it I will not give anything away, all I will say is it has the funniest Monkeys, Gofers, Ants, and a Snake. I have never laughed so hard. Many of the people around us did not appreciate our laughing but we could not help ourselves. If you have not seen it you must go and if you have you must go again.

10 years ago: Ten years ago I was almost 13 and the most perfect angle you have ever seen. My goal for the future: Become a teacher, mother, wife, pediatric therapist, and change lives. 5 things on my to do list: 1. Schedule the Praxis 2. Take the Praxis 3. Finish 10 more books before school starts 4. Clean my car and 5. Get a social life. 5 snacks I enjoy: Cashews, Crazins, chocolate, granola bar, vegetables 5 places I've lived: Orem, Provo, St. George, Pine Vally, Phoenix What would I do if I became a billionaire: Start my own foundation for children and a great kitchen and fast cars 5 jobs I've had: nanny, day care teacher, stocker at a candy supply store, and student. Yes that is it. 5 things you don't know about me: I don't think there is anything you don't know about me. I now tag: Stephanie Poff, Team Iloa, Anna Hansen

So this last week I was able to be the head teacher in my classroom at Kinderland day care in the kindergarten class. During the last week I had decided to do more reading, math, and writing so I started reading Junie B. First Grader books to my class after lunch. This was amazing because I was able to show them how they acted sometimes by the example of a character in the book. Tattiling has been a big problem but now I am able to say "Do you sound like May?" I once again felt like I was someone with a purpose. It is amazing how when your life has no visible purpose everything else can seem to fall apart at your feet. Sadly the "Head" teacher came back so now I am back to seeing how much the children I love are not getting from their "Teachers". Oh well I will just have to look to the future.

For years my brother and I have fought like we were mortal enemies. Only in the last few years have we grown to truly care for one another and show our love to each other. Recently I have started the process to find or get in contact with my birth mother. I have told very few people this and in my family have only told my mother. Yesterday my mom and my Marc went to St. George to my aunts fiftieth birthday party. On the way they talked about my brothers relationships and stuff in his life. I guess my mom told Marc about my wanting to find my birth mother because when he came back that night at midnight the first thing he did was to come into my room, wake me up, and asked me if I was OK. He knew that this is a big decision for me and wanted to see if I was OK. If I hadn't been so tired I would have cried . Even though he and I do not always get along as we have gotten older we have learned that he and I are the only ones that we can turn to when life is truly crashing down around u...

This week I have been trying to fill out an application for the Jacobsen Scholarship Fund. For anyone who has done their taxes I liken this process to trying to do your state taxes. I have been so stressed that I have not been able to crack a smile for a weak. Today I have finally sent my application off and now I just wait for them to decide whether or not I am worth spending money on. I think I will go and finish the second part of the saying "When the going gets tough, the tough eat cake."

So this is for all of my stalkers out there. My life has been not too exciting since I left school and One Tree Hill ended. One thing is for sure though, I like my family from two hundred miles away more. On Monday I will be working full time in the kindergarten classroom. This will hopefully help me deal with my family better because there will be less time to be annoyed. One this is certain to help...CHOCOLATE!!!!!

As the semester winds down I wake up this morning feeling very strange. The first thing that I see upon opening up my eyes is my friend Rose. She has been a friend of mine for as long as I can remember. For years I have looked to her to hold my deepest secrets and help me see that their are still things in the world that are still pure, untainted, and around when we need them. Many times in my life when I have told people of our relationship no one understood just what she means to me. Now that I am getting older and am sometimes prone to thinking that there is no one that can truly understand how I feel, good or bad, all I have to do is look into Rose's beautiful eyes to remember that she has been there through the whole thing and understands. The reason for this little love fest is because now more than ever I am so glad that I have this wonderful person to help me feel better. Oh and did I mention that this wonderful angle of a girls is a doll that I got my first Christ mas a...

So this is something I have wanted to talk about for a long time. I fist became bothered by this word when I was, what else, watching TV. I was watching Americas Next Top Model when I heard a girl say that she deserved to stay because of all of the things that she had been through in her life. At the time I thought the girl was wrong because she was just plain bad. A few years later I hear ed something that got me thinking and even more fired up about this word. Moira Kelly on One Tree Hill was at a school meeting defending Coach Durram, and I am butchering this but here it goes, "Dan Scott" was saying that the Basketball team deserved to win and "Karen Row" said that the boys did not "Deserve" anything, they had to earn it. This struck me hard. Ever since I heard her say this I have gotten mad every time I hear someone say that they deserve something. No one deserves anything, you earn what you get. Sorry if this does not make any sense but it has been bu...

Well this is a new week and with it comes new challenges . I have had so many things happen that I almost want to crawl under a rock and never come out. I of course cannot do this so I have been looking for something to keep me going through all of the down times. It was not surprising to me that my answer came to me wile I was watching One Tree Hill. This show has saved me from many things and this time was no different. Here is what saved me: Make a wish and place it in your heart, anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is going to come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that its right around the corner and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it, you might just get the thing you're wishing for. The world is full of magic; you just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it wit...

So this was a big week. For the first time in a long time I have felt the overwhelming need to cry. As always I am unaware of the way that people can see what is going on with me even when I think that I doing a good job of hiding it from everyone. I am an RA (Resident Advisor) at Dixie. This week I was given the task to work with another RA to make flyer's for a sports activity that was coming up. Usually I am the one who makes sure that everything that needs to go on the fl yer is on and is correct. The other RA usually does all the "Flash". Well this week I had over 28 hours of work to do. Because of all of the homework that I had to do I did not check the fl yer that had been done and let the other RA do what ever he wanted and trusted that the information would be correct. A few days later it was the day before all of my assignments were due and I was freaking out. I also had to go to my RA meeting. At these meeting my RM (Resident Manager) has personal meetings with...

OK so I know that I am a little Obsessed with One Tree Hill. This may seem weired but I think it is the same as loving a good book. Once you get drawn in these people become part of your life just like how Sister Carrie became part of who I am as soon as I read it. I don't think those who create these shows know the responsibility they have to the viewers and to the show they created. This was one thing that made me sad with Gilmore Girls because at the end it was like they had forgotten who "Rori" was and had her be like everyone else. SHE WAS NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!! This is what made us love her so much. One Tree Hill is part of who I am now because everything I yearn for is shown. The things I want in my life are not always possible but when I watch "Haley" fulfilling my dreams them it is almost like I am doing them myself. The story of "Haley" is one that is dear to me because I see her as a person like me. Having yourself in such a public f...

So today I got my intinerary for my trip to England. I am so excited about this. I will be gone for about two weeks. It will be stressful but I am glad to be presenting.

Well now you have another way to know too much about me. I don't know how much I will write but one thing is for sure, you will always know too much about it. Let's have fun and be Dazed together!!!